TRANSCRIPT

When I was sixteen, I got brought in to hospital for my mental health and because of a lack of adolescent beds, I had to go in to an adult hospital. And from there I was moved to a hospital in England for adolescents. It was a medium secure unit. I spent a year and a half over there, completely isolated from family, friends and just had to… just had to rely on people posting wee stuff over ya know, the wee odd card in the post but it was nothing like seeing people, ya know there was nobody… nobody about. 

But then… I was there for a year and a half and eventually they decided that it was ok for me to come home. I’ll never forget it ‘cause I wasn’t used to that much freedom. Just even going from the taxi to the airport, just ‘cause I was on my own. And yet, being absolutely terrified because I had no idea, ya know. What do I do? When I get out of this car, where am I going to? I’ve got my bag, but where do I go? How do I find… how do I find where my plane is? It was the same getting off.. where’s the way out? Ya know, is anyone going to be waiting for me? Ya know, ‘cause there was nothing really decided, it was just like “off you go”. 

So it went from a hostel and I eventually got my own house and I’ll never forget the first night in that house. ‘Cause I’d been in children’s homes, I’d been in hospitals and for the first time in forever, I was nineteen and I was in my own place and it was so so quiet. For about like, I don’t know, about two weeks, and I was just like “oh my goodness, I can’t cope. This is too quiet”. And then whenever I got used to it, ya know I was all pleased. And then obviously I met the kid’s dad and ya know, things started looking up a bit. 

I was twenty five when Amy was born and that wee woman changed my life, so she did. Ya know, once she was here it was like, it’s not about me anymore. 

I wasn’t just in hospital, I mean I was in care homes, so I was just… noise… that was life.