By Inspire’s Clinical Lead, Dr David Cameron
On 5th June I spoke at the University of Ulster Staff WorkWell Conference. The title of my talk was Everybody hurts sometimes: Opening your heart and mind to the power of compassion. To bring the talk to life I drew on a personal, heartfelt lived experience. The picture below is a caricature celebrating the engagement of two happy and in love young people. The young woman affectionately known as Dani by her to be future in-laws to avoid being confused with her would be eldest sister-in-law Danielle, is my youngest daughter, a support worker in Inspire’s Mental Health Service. The young man is Jordan at the time my to-be son-in-law. The dog to the left is Maisie Jordan’s fox-red lab and to the left her daughter Lillie, my daughter’s dog.
A happy but unknowingly bittersweet scene. Jordan was diagnosed with leukaemia aged seventeen. Following a prolonged and brutal course of treatment and a bone-marrow transplant the cancer went into remission. However, aged nineteen the cancer returned and all treatment options exhausted, in May 2023 Jordan was accepted onto an experimental treatment in Washington DC. Devastatingly the treatment was unsuccessful. He returned home in August whereupon he was advised by his dedicated and compassionate medical team of seven years there was nothing more they could do. They gave a prognosis of weeks, maybe months. Supported by everyone in Inspire my daughter took leave of absence from work to help care for him, support and be supported by a typically ordinary yet extraordinary closeknit and loving family. As a couple they were inseparable, inspirational, wise beyond their years fully embracing life and living under an unimaginably difficulty and cruel set of circumstances. Jordan was a typically ordinary and handsome young man who exuded a quiet confidence and charm. An irrepressible chatterbox of effusive ideas, endearing and at times yes annoying – he never shut up lol! An entrepreneur, a thrifty Cullybackian, undoubtedly his own man who steadfastly refused to be and was not defined by his illness but by his selfless, caring, and compassionate nature.
An accomplished fisherman, he joked cringingly, his best and biggest catch was Dani. An expert lamber on the family farm he had an uncanny affinity and closeness with nature. Out walking he would point out the crane standing motionless on the distant far side of the riverbank. Where there were seemingly no crabs in rock pools, he would uncover multitudes to the amazement of our young grandson. When river fishing, otters would appear, or sea fishing a school of dolphins. Coincidental? There is a famous story where a Zen Master poses a Koan – puzzle to his students. “You have two lives, when do you get your second”? After, several days of deep contemplation the students plead with the Master to tell them when they get their second life. He replied, “you get your second life when you realise you have only one!” For Jordan, this realisation meant he lived fully and passionately in the moment, fully present and attentive to everyone and thing which crossed his path an absolute joy to be around. He courageously and compassionately turned towards his unavoidable pain and suffering. He never complained and managed his condition in a way which minimised the pain and suffering of those he loved and who loved him deeply. Sadly, Jordan lost his heroic seven-year battle to leukaemia on the 18th of July 2024 surrounded by his (including his dog Maisie) and my immediate family.
Returning to the title of the June 5th talk everybody hurts sometimes, we are all devastated, heartbroken. Struggle, suffering, sickness, ill-health, and death are a universal and unavoidable part of our human existence. Undeniably some people, including Jordan did and do suffer more than others. The pain of my loss is immeasurably insignificant comparative to the pain and loss of his immediate family and my daughter – his fiancé. Hopefully not adding to anyone’s pain, I like to think of Jordan as “gone fishing.” For me he is very much present by his absence, encouraging us not to get caught up in trivial mind created states, past regrets or worrying excessively, pointlessly about the future yet to come. True to form Jordan left a “fun fund” for his sibship, Dani and the family – they already went paddle boarding in not so sunny Portrush.
Jordan’s lived example, message is loud, clear, and simple fully embrace life, live in the present and as far as possible be present to and embrace all experiences, whether joyous or painful with compassion and kindness. I have asked Dani if she were to know the inconsolable loss, she sometimes feels would she have changed anything. She responds with a tear and a gentle smile – she misses him terribly, but the message is loud, clear, and simple she has absolutely no regrets. Jordan and Dani were an embodiment of gratitude, loving kindness and compassion the power of which is a universal force of healing for both our families and equally for those countless other family members who have gone or who are going through or caring for a loved one with cancer.
In memory of a remarkable and heroic young man the heroic Dani, Nicole – Jordans youngest sister and her boyfriend are abseiling down the Tower Block of City Hospital on 7th September 2024 to raise funds for the Friends of the Cancer Centre.
My personal call to action is loud, clear, and simple, please support this fundraising event with an act of kindness by donating whatever you can afford using the link >> www.justgiving.com/page/nicole-mcilrath-1722847630247?utm_medium=fundraising&utm_content=page%2Fnicole-mcilrath-1722847630247&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=pfp-share